BDSM & Fetish Dating Guide for Kinky Men- 6 Easy Steps

-------By Josh Magnet-------

It may seem like a daunting task. There are so many beautiful women to talk to, and none of them are actively going to reach out to you. What's hard to fathom, is that these girls are getting hundreds of messages from horny dudes all over the world. It is very hard to get their attention. I learned this only after meeting a few girls and asking to look through their kink messages. Most of the time I gave up before even finding my own message. After a few years’ experience with this and other kink dating apps, I can offer a few tricks of the trade.

1. Have a good opener.

If you fail at this step, you won't need the others. Anything that isn't a question is out. It doesn't prompt a response, and it usually won't get one. Messages like “Hi” or “You're Hot,” don't engage a girl, and they certainly don't help you stand out from all the other messages.

Beyond that, you want something that the girl enjoys thinking of an answer to, not something she already knows the answer to. Questions like, "What's your favorite color?" "Where are you from originally?" or “What ethnicity are you?” may give you a little insight into the girl, but she doesn't have to think about the answer. She already knows it. Ask a question she'll have to think about is fun for her, and when faced with 40 opening questions from 40 different guys, she's going to pick the fun one to answer.

2. Don't drop the fantasy.

Women on kink sites are looking for fantasy, and I don't like to break the illusion too early, so I like to keep my first exchange fictional and fun. You don't want her to start thinking about logistics like meeting spots, date ideas, what to wear, and STD's, until she's already sure she likes you, so asking about what part of town she's in or what her days off are will probably get you ghosted. Remember, you're just a harmless fantasy to her for now.

Try "When the zombie apocalypse happens, do you have any useful skills?" or "I'm thinking of starting a street gang that gets in a lot of dance fights, how should we do to haze our initiates?" or "If you had to get rid of a body, how would you do it?" Even the cliché, “you're a superhero, what's your power?” can get your foot in the door. These questions are fun to answer because the girl doesn't know the answer yet. She has to think about it.

If I can incorporate something from their profile, that's good, especially if it's also fictional. For instance, if their profile states that they love Starwars, try “If I were the last Jedi, how would you try to turn me to the dark side?” Now, she's imagining herself in her favorite fictional universe, and you're a part of it.

Sometimes, they'll play along for a while, and this is great. I've often closed a deal with, "Well, we should probably make a backup plan on Saturday, in case the zombies haven't taken over by then." Regardless, after a handful of fictional messages, she'll have already decided she's into you. You're fun to talk to.

3. Don't get dirty too early.

It's hard to put the break on, especially when a girl's profile says nothing about her personally other than what she wants to be done to her. But even if her profile name is Bukkakeslutholes, it's important to take it easy.

Women want to be talked dirty to by someone they like, but they don't know if they like you yet. So, if you start talking about sex too soon or demanding to be called master, that's a big turnoff. Play it aloof, don't even act like you're sure you want to meet. I've certainly met girls with whom I didn't even talk about sex prior to the meeting, and there's nothing wrong about that.

However, there are subtle ways to steer the conversation without seeming like you're the one behind the wheel. A great strategy is to get them talking about someone other than they're attracted to. "So which Avenger are you crushing on right now?" “who's your favorite frontman?” or even "What are you reading right now?" Can get them talking about sex. As long as they brought it up, you're clear for takeoff.

4. Don't send a dick pic.

This never helps, and usually hurts the situation. Dicks are not like boobs. A guy can see any boobs and get aroused. Women have to like the owner of the dick before appreciating it.

Even if asked for a pic, I tend not to deliver. I like the line. "I don't do selfies. If you want a pic, you need to snap it yourself."

5. You will get ghosted.

Girls on dating sites almost never tell you they're not interested. They just never respond. Even girls you're having a conversation with may suddenly go dark. It happens. It's a numbers game. Getting angry with them or pleading your case only makes you look desperate. It's best to just let them go and focus your attention elsewhere.

My only last-ditch effort before bailing on a match is: "I know if you respond too quickly you seem desperate, but at this point, I think you're pretty safe."

6. Have an end game. Have a day, time, and event in mind.

Keep an eye on interesting events that you want to attend. When you go in for the close, instead of asking if they want to hang out, ask them if they want to do this thing you're planning to do with you. Even if they're not available, they'll feel like they're missing something, and be more likely to reschedule. "I was planning on checking out this museum exhibit on Sunday. Do you wanna come with?" or "there's a rope bondage class at this dungeon I was planning to go to. Would you be interested?"

You want to avoid inviting a girl to your house, even if that's where they're ending up. Going to a stranger's house sends up warning flags. It takes them out of the fantasy and makes them feel vulnerable and scared.