For most people, BDSM is not a lifestyle that they live 24/7 every day. The kink lifestyle is injected into regular life through the use of “scenes”. While a scene can last a few minutes or many hours, the BDSM scene is a time that is set aside in the relationship to play your “role” of Dominant or submissive, master or slave or any other roles that your imagination may use to enhance and actualize your desires and sexual feelings.Keeping some basic improvisation techniques in mind can help you explore your scenes and make sure you are getting the most out of it for you and your partner.
The basics of improvisation begin with a simple idea of responding positively; basically saying “Yes, and…” It’s important to say yes to an idea in a scene as “No, but…” stops the flow and makes it hard to keep the energy positive. Of course, there will always be a safe-‐word for the submissive – which will stop the scene immediately – but for the most part, the Dominant partner generally controls the scene and the submissive should follow directions as an actor follows the director in a movie.
A verbal game called “Yes, and…” can be played verbally to start for beginners, or even experienced couples, which allows scenes to be written in advance. The Dominant partner may say, “I tie you up to the bed”, and the submissive then must say, “Yes, and…” and continue the story, like “Yes, and you blindfold me.” Working through the scene verbally like this can remove any anxiety or nervousness and allow the partners to move into a real and active scene more comfortably. It can also allow the couple to begin to explore their limits before they put them into actual practice – thereby making the scenes stronger and more cohesive. This is a good way for the Dominant to explore the limits for His or Her submissive, and for the submissive to test the strength of the Dominant and thereby have more satisfying and engaging scenes.
Another way to enhance scenes is to use costumes and props. If you are doing a medical scene, having the Dominant wear a white coat and use an actual stethoscope, these real-life details can enhance the scene and make the fantasy feel more real. You can even decorate the “set” and collect props that will enhance the feel of the scene in the future. D/s scenes can have the same dynamic fun of a Halloween party – and costumes, wigs, outfits and of course toys can make everything feel more real and thus more satisfying. Our fantasies are detailed – and we can begin to bring those details over time into our real life!
Staying in character is another point that is important. Sometimes we have a hard time taking ourselves seriously and it can be easy to fall out of focus during a scene. Staying in character when this happens allows their partner, (who perhaps may have a laughing fit from being tickled, for example), allows the scene to get back on track more quickly and remove distractions so that you can get back to business.Also developing your character over time can make the scenes grow more mature over time. Perhaps you develop a fake accent for your character or decide that he/she always has a limp. This way your partner can begin to feel that they can deepen their character or begin to change the way they want to present to you in a scene.
Another good point to remember is to let the scene move forward in its own time. Rushing a scene or trying to get it where you “think” it needs to be is a sure way to end it quickly. Let the scene breathe. It is ok to have “down-‐time” in the scene, or silence. Maybe you as a Dominant might sense you are moving too fast and need to take a break. Perhaps you need to initiate some long-‐slow breathing exercises to relax your partner if they are getting near their limit. Slowing down is always a good idea and will allow both of you to catch-‐up with each other and get the timing right. Of course, you will have times when things spiral out-‐of-‐control – and if it feels right – go for it!
As the scene progresses, a lot of subs use the Green/Yellow/Red Light method of communication. Say you are being flogged. The submissive can say “green light” to keep it going strong at the force they’re experiencing, “yellow light” will lighten it up, and “red light” will stop the flogging, but not necessarily the scene. Of course, a sub should ALWAYS use their safe-‐word if they are experiencing any distress or concerns that cannot be addressed in character, in the scene.
Finally, after the scene is over, reviewing the scene with a perspective on “Beginning, Middle and End” is always a good idea to improve, correct and modify future scenes so that it becomes more enjoyable for everyone in the future. The Dominant, in an effort to care for the submissive, should have some “survey questions” and make sure the experience was positive and the activities did not cross a line for the submissive. A submissive is not “topping from the bottom” if they are giving constructive feedback as to what they experienced and what they hope to experience in the future. This is, after all, a mutually beneficial relationship and feedback is essential to providing a better experience in the future.
Part of successful scenes in BDSM is becoming a little bit of an actor. Of course, you can always really become a major actor and improve and mature your characters over time. One of my “Dom characters” has a whole array of desires that I do not normally have in real life! Improvisation can help you explore your desires more completely and allow you and your partners to experience a deeper sense of reality– thereby bringing your imagination to life! We highly recommend you go through this complete list of kinks to know more details about your inner self.